1. Lady GaGa – Judas

Commercially speaking there are songs that does well and people like it; does well but people hates it; doesn’t do well but people like it; doesn’t do well and people hates it.

Personally there are songs that does well and people like it, but I hated it; doesn’t do well, people hate it, but I like it.

Stereotypically, If “Bad Romance” is a normal straight society, then “Judas” would’ve represent the homosexuals for few reasons:
a) Judas is as noisy, freaky, crazy as the hardcore religious fanatics label the homosexuals
b) Judas is trying to be heard but there are large percentage of population choose to ignore because they hate the idea
c) Judas scored initial success but quickly went down the gutter afterward. This is no different from straight people’s interest in drag queens because they’ve never seen one, but once they seen one their interest went down the hell
d) Judas is pushing the envelope by simply referencing a modern-era relationship with a religious term, like the gays pushing boundaries in various aspect

If this comparison doesn’t goes well, just think it as a girl who abandoned that high-class rich and famous lifestyle and marries a miner somewhere in Chile. The family and society were shocked and hated it. Or the idea of a high-class society mixing with blue-collar workers might sounds like a good idea, but it falls apart at the end.

Regardless, it is just one of those pop songs that people hates it for being all over the place plus too identical to its predecessor when people were whining how come “Born This Way” isn’t “Bad Romance Part 2″.

Contradictions, cheesy, multiple twists, insane and industrial thunder beat are the 5 key elements to make the song my top favorite of 2011.

2. Swedish House Mafia – Save The World

If there is a course called “Introduction to Electronica/Dance/Techno 001″, then this should be the track to start with. It is not as strong and bold like “One (Your Name)”, but this is a material that a niche market reaching out to mainstream audience. (Plus there are puppies in this video)

3. Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris – We Found Love

To be honest, it should’ve been “Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna – We Found Love”. Rihanna is only responsible for the vocal, and the majority of work goes to Harris. Regardless, this showcased Harris’ evolution from the dark-side of “Ready for The Weekend” to the brighter, poppy melodies. For the mainstream radio audience in North America, this is the track is like a hello from Calvin Harris, and once you know him you slowly slipping into the darker side (previous album).

4. Britney Spears – Hold It Against Me

Personally, from general reception point of view, this song is like Judas initially but interest wanes down. Yes, “Femme Fatale” is one of the mose cohesive album with one single musical theme since “Blackout”, but after so many listen, this song is growing towards the end of the year and stands out to be one of the top “FF” track that I like. With HIAM and the rest of the songs on “FF”, she no longer have to do anything but lend her voice to some techno/trance/house music producers, autotune here and there, and people will still buy her stuff because “it’s Britney, bitch”.

5. Wynter Gordon – Dirty Talk

Apart from the somewhat dark melody that’s my cup of tea, the lyric pretty much explains everything. Eventhough it was released in 2010, it is one of the tracks that has longevity potentials.

6. Will Young – Jealousy

I’ve been following Will Young since he won “Pop Idol” in 2002. Not that I watched the entire show, and I didn’t because it was aired in the UK, but rather the news of his sexuality. Apart from that, he is the first artist of “my time” that sells over 1 million copies of singles within 7 days, it makes you want to know this guy more. Yes, I lost interest with his lost album and didn’t really care, but in an era when you’re no longer cool if your stuff doesn’t have some dancey/electronic elements, he managed to comeback quite successfully. One of the most not-so-noisy-and-comfortable type of dance tracks that suits him pretty well. So does the album “Echoes”.

7. Calvin Harris – Awooga

This was like an experimental type of track, a transition from “Ready for The Weekend” to the next album (probably out sooner or later, hopefully), it has the dark sides from RFTW but the beat gets repetitive (but not tiring, fortunately) and heavier. It wasn’t released to the mainstream market, but with a niche song like this, sometimes it ended up being my favorite.

8. Tim Berg – Seek Bromance

9. Nero – Promises

10. Bruno Mars – It Will Rain

Potential to be top 10 again in 2012

You feel useless at 60 because you don’t know what goal should you set.

You feel useless at 90 because you’re going nowhere but death even if you have/reached a goal.

It feels like I was in Dominican Republic yesterday.

It feels like I was enjoying myself in Seattle with great people/family yesterday.

It feels like I was at an award show in Chicago yesterday.

It feels like I was cuddling with a good friend (who I really appreciate) yesterday.

It feels like we just entered 2011 yesterday, and somehow today is August 8 already. At this rate tomorrow will probably feel like the first day of 2012, another day to get old, another day closer to death.

It lasted for 6 months. I didn’t really tell everyone during that phase.

I’m always aware this depression will return, because it’s impossible for one to always feel upbeat 24/7/365. But I wasn’t expecting that it comes so soon again.

I quarantine myself in my apartment.
I go out when I feel like.
I turn myself into a zombie, doing things because they’ve became a routine.
I still have reactions while watching TV but I felt it’s fake.
I try to find things that will distract me without any luck.
I lost passions and motivations.

The only thing that is missing is crying for no reason. It hasn’t happen yet since I just haven’t find a reason to to give myself a good cry.

I know I need to seek help, I think I need a listener. But I choose not to, even though I know more people today than 2009.

I’m not important enough that someone will make me a priority before them even if it’s temporary.
People have too many things on their plate and I don’t want to be the extra burden.
I don’t need to rain on people’s positive momentum with my emotional depression.
I choose to hide my emotion.

But the main reason is, I don’t even know how it happens. I don’t even understand myself sometimes. How can people understand me when I don’t at the first place?

Mom called 2 days ago asking if I’m fine as usual. I lied to her for saying I’m fine. I’m not.

I don’t even know why I’m not fine.

It’s like Déjà vu of 2009. It lasted for 6 months in 2009. I wonder how long will it last this time.