I went through emotional depression in the first-half of 2009 after I was fired (or may be I resigned first) from my job.
It lasted for 6 months. I didn’t really tell everyone during that phase.
I’m always aware this depression will return, because it’s impossible for one to always feel upbeat 24/7/365. But I wasn’t expecting that it comes so soon again.
I quarantine myself in my apartment.
I go out when I feel like.
I turn myself into a zombie, doing things because they’ve became a routine.
I still have reactions while watching TV but I felt it’s fake.
I try to find things that will distract me without any luck.
I lost passions and motivations.
The only thing that is missing is crying for no reason. It hasn’t happen yet since I just haven’t find a reason to to give myself a good cry.
I know I need to seek help, I think I need a listener. But I choose not to, even though I know more people today than 2009.
I’m not important enough that someone will make me a priority before them even if it’s temporary.
People have too many things on their plate and I don’t want to be the extra burden.
I don’t need to rain on people’s positive momentum with my emotional depression.
I choose to hide my emotion.
But the main reason is, I don’t even know how it happens. I don’t even understand myself sometimes. How can people understand me when I don’t at the first place?
Mom called 2 days ago asking if I’m fine as usual. I lied to her for saying I’m fine. I’m not.
I don’t even know why I’m not fine.
It’s like Déjà vu of 2009. It lasted for 6 months in 2009. I wonder how long will it last this time.
